I am done with my three exams, and I am sure I’ll pass on all of them. I went to Røros on Friday, I am trying to relax and get some sleep. My head seems to think I’m taking speed or something, after being so stressed out for a few weeks it is impossible to sleep for more than three hours at a time. But red wine seems to help

Anders made me a gift calendar (just 6 days too late), and he is really sweet (oh noes, I mean manly!). Christmas is only about two weeks away, and I am kinda looking forward to it now. I have only bought half a christmas gift yet, so I still got a lot to do, but I don’t think it will be to hard.

Long time, no see (or write). Njaal is finally up, and a lot has happened. This weekend I rode on the back of my brothers motorcycle from Trondheim to Røros. It was a bit scary at first, I felt totally unprotected and held on as hard as I could. But I could relax after a while. But then it started raining, and I was freezing when we got to Røros. I took a long, warm shower, and fell a sleep for ten hours. On Saturday Anders came, and we spent most of the weekend walking around Røros and relaxing. The weather was perfect, and we both got a bit of a tan. Saturday evening we had dinner at my mom’s to celebrate my brother’s 27th bithday.

Inspired by my dad and stepmother I have started a low carb diet. I’m very unsure about it, it feels kinda unnatural to not eat bread, rice, potatoes, pasta or sugar. I will at least try it until I see if it’s working, and as long as I don’t feel unwell.

We have decided not to go to Stockholm this summer anyway (unless Anders gets a big bonus). It’s too expensive, at least 5000 nkr for a weekend, and we have better ways to spend that money. We will probably go to Anders’ family’s cabin and such for a while though.
The wedding plans isn’t moving forward much, but I think I’m leaning towards Sverresborg over Ringve. My allergy can’t be controlled, and I might regret it deeply if we go for Ringve, and the whole day is ruined by sneezing and mucus. I’m sure Sverresborg will be nice, allthough it isn’t quite what I wanted. Were going up there tomorrow to look at where we can have the wedding, and if we like it we probably will be ready to make a decision.

Anders and I got into a huge discussion last night. I was way too drunk to have the discussion we had, and everything got blown out of proportions. That being said, I still think he was the one being irrational. I was sad about being asked a hundred times where my boyfriend is, or my “so-called” boyfriend, because nobody has ever met him. In Anders mind that means 1. that I don’t love him, 2. that I’m going to break up with him if he ever goes to a computer party again, and 3. that I feel that he has to stop seing half of his friends.
My point is that I think him spending more than half of his vacation time with 15 year olds at computer parties is a bit much. He’s the one complaining about feeling old, and that might be one of the reasons. Most of his friends, at least those at his own age, prefers spending their vacations with their girlfriends.
Anders feels that I should be content with the extra time he takes off work to spend with me. But that is not what I want. I want to be the first priority in his vacations, and if he wants to take extra time off work to go to a computer party once in a while, I’m OK with that. I don’t want to feel privileged because I actually get to spend some time with him.

In addition to that, the few times Anders actually is here, he don’t want to go anywhere, because apparently everybody from Røros is uncivilized farmers who beat up everybody from cities. And if I want to him to go out here, it’s my fault if he ends up being beaten to death. I think that is a very hurtful thing to say, because I’m actually from here too, you know. And if he can’t even go out when he is not in Trondheim without getting in a fight for provoking someone, I think he is the one being uncivilized.

So am I the one being irriational and selfish? Or do I actually have a point?

My life has been very boring lately, so there hasn’t been much to write about. I’m slowly getting well from everything that was wrong with me, in addition to the pneumonia I’ve had a urinary tract infection and back ache. I went to Røros on Sunday, and my brother, who is a physiotherapist, could at least help me with my back. I’m mostly inside still, I’m not supposed to strain myself, or breathe too much cold air, so I changed my mind about going to my family’s cabin in Rondane with Joakim and Marit yesterday. I’m now on my way to Hamar to visit Anders at TG. So far easter have been spent finally getting Windows on my laptop up and running again, to Anders’ great dismay. I bet he planted a Trojan on it on purpose to make me use Linux. But I love finally being able to play all the games I want to and watching web-TV. Tuesday my friend Marit visited, and we and my mother drank “some” wine, and Marit and I stayed up until 4 talking. She’s got guy problems that I won’t get into here.

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It’s not easy to make life decisions. But in my mind sometimes it is. I have a few principles I always follow, all though they are getting fewer as I get older. Some of them are: I don’t lie and I don’t cheat. And I don’t trust people who do. I’ve probably been watching too much Oprah, but one thing that has stuck in my mind is: people will always tell you who they are, if you let them (or something like that). A guy (or a girl I guess, but that doesn’t affect me much) who will cheat on someone else to be with you, is at least capable of cheating on you too. Guys who are saying things like “I don’t want to hurt her” are full of bullshit. Because that is exactly what they’re doing. He can’t possibly hurt her more than by being unfaithful. So why is he doing it? There could be a number of reasons, but all of them are pretty much bad. It could be he is a coward, and just can’t bring himself to break up with his girlfriend. It could be that he wants to be sure that the new girl he met really will be together with him before he dumps the old one, so he doesn’t risk ending up alone. It could be that he just can’t make up his mind. Or it could be that he’s just a cheating bastard. Either way, to me it seems that this is a guy no girl would want in her life. It is of course easy to say, since I’ve never been in the situation. Then this girl says “But he isn’t like that! He is sweet and cute and kind and interesting and blah blah.” Of course he is like that! That is exactly what he’s like! This is what he is doing! Actions speak louder than words (yeah, too much Oprah again). Then again, who am I to pass jugdement on cheating men everywhere. They couldn’t possibly all be evil. And sometimes people make mistakes. But now you don’t really make mistakes for months, do you? When this takes place over some time, the guy must know what he is doing. He must know that it’s wrong and hurtful (if not he would be a sociopath, and that’s a completely different story). Of course it isn’t easy to end a relationship that has been going on for what maybe years. But life isn’t supposed to be easy, is it? Either you want to be with your girlfriend, and then you don’t cheat, or you don’t and then you break up. Before you go after someone else.

A few years ago I knew this guy, and had a small fling with him. It wasn’t anything big, but he did things that he shouldn’t if he was in a relationship. Then one month later, he had a fling with a friend of mine. That wasn’t quite so innocent, but it didn’t last. Then he flirted with me again, and where supposed to meet up at this party/thing a week or so later. He never showed up, and I met a guy who is now my ex (also a cheating bastard), and I didn’t have anymore contact with this guy. Then, one year later, I was at party and talked to a girl who turned out to be his girlfriend. And I realised they got togheter before I met him. I was of course quite drunk, and ended up telling her the whole story. She ran home to talk to him (they were/are living together), and I talked to a friend of hers. She told me that when the two of them got togheter, he was together with someone else, and they were cheating on her for months. This guy is very charming, handsome and fun to be around. I probably would have fallen for him myself if I had the chance, because he was the type of guy I always fell for before. The kind you can’t really trust, but you fool yourself to think you can.

I don’t know what the morale of the story is supposed to be. Once a cheater, always a cheater, or something. I’m at least happy to have dicovered that you can fall for someone you think is not your type, who makes me feel secure in stead of always being uncertain. I think getting involved with a guy who’s taken, probably isn’t worth the heart ache. I don’t know if I always make the right choices, for instance if it’s right for me to tell a girl I don’t even know that her boyfriend has been cheating on her. If it was me, I would’ve wanted someone to tell me. But then it feels strange that something you say to someone can change their whole life. For them it didn’t, last I heard they were still together, all though she had become quite paranoid as to what he was up to. But if they had split up I would have been wondering hard if I really did the right thing. And it isn’t like it was a well considered decision I made. I was just drunk and talked to much, like I often do. I don’t know if I had said anything, had I been sober.Well, at least people know where I’m at. I generally can’t be bothered to hide my feelings and opinions. And I shouldn’t have to, if other people can’t cover their tracks well enough, that isn’t my problem. Needless to say, I kinda suck at secrets.

I was at Rørosmartnan last week, a big market we have once a year in Røros. It was kinda fun I guess, it’s nice to meet all the people I used to know. But I get the same feeling I always do when I go to Røros these days, I don’t quite belong there anymore. I used to party all day and night from Tuesday until Sunday a few years ago, and now I get bored after a few hours. There aren’t that many people I want to talk to, and I miss Anders. When I was little, martnan was so great because of all the things you could by. I ate lollipops, licorice, sweets and dried meat. And I bought hats, socks, toys and stuff. And then I went to the fairground and took merry-go-rounds until all my money was gone (and then I ran to my dad asking for more. Well, I still do that). Now everything is just for kids or it’s too expensive. It is also a bit sad going to Røros now, my dog is gone, and I miss her terribly.

Well, we’re back in town. The party was actually very good, the placing wasn’t totally random, at least not for us, dad and Anki wanted all their children with bfs/gfs to sit together with them. So I had people I could talk to and everything. It was very nice to meet all the family and family friends again too, even if I got a lot of “Look at you! You’re all grown up!”. After we had dinner and dessert, and a lot of speeches were held and songs were sung, the secret was revealed. Dad and Anki got married in October 24. 2002. Without telling anyone for three years. They actually had a dinner for the whole family Christmas the same year, where they were going to tell, but because everyone thought “Oh, they’re probably married or something”, they decided not to tell anyway. I don’t really see the point with keeping it a secret, but good for them. Maybe they worried about the family curse (MOHAHAHA!).

I don’t want to sound too negative, but I have always kinda thought we have a family curse. It seems that noone in my family can keep together for a long time. I have parents that are divorced, my mother twice, my mothers parents are divorced, my fathers grandparents were divorced, and my mothers great-grandparents weren’t even married. (My great-great-grandmother was “tater”, people who were travelling around the country looking for work, things to steal, etc. She got pregnant with a farmer, gave him the baby, and ran away.) And they got divorced when it was very unusual.

Thankfully I’m not very superstitious. Even though about 50% of married people split up, you just have to do you’re best and hope it’s enough. And the love of my life will be together with me forever (famous last words).

We’re going to Røros today, my father and stepmother are celebrating their 100th birthday (50+50 (or actually 49 +51)). We’re staying in a hotel, ’cause we can’t sleep in my mother’s guest bed. I’m almost done beeing sick now, so I think it’ll be fun, except that we probably will go crazy over the music (dæinseband! woohoo!). My father and stepmother are revealing a big surprise, wich they told their children about this Christmas. More about that later. There will be random seating at the tables, I think, so I’ll probably have to sit with people I don’t know at all. Anders will certainly have to sit with people he doesn’t know at all, but when expressed my worries about this, they just laughed at me. They’re probably right, he isn’t the one I need to worry about, he can talk to the wall if he has sit next to it. It’s worse for me.

2006 is here, and hopefully it will be a good one. The best things right now, is that I can say “I’m getting married next year!”, and that I’m going to Chile in 11 days. We celebrated last night with a bunch of people, we were 6 for most of the night, after about half the people who were supposed to come, suddenly couldn’t (or wouldn’t). I drank a lot of champagne, and I got very sentimental around midnight, when we were out looking at the fireworks, because I have never had a boyfriend for two new years before. Afterwards we went back inside, I drank more champagne and stuff, and I collapsed in bed when everybody here was too young and too drunk. I woke up 4-5 hours later when Anders went to bed, after sending everybody home, and cleaning up after the party (it was nice not having to clean for half an hour just to be able to sit down somewhere when I got up). I couldn’t sleep anymore, so I got up after a while, and sat here drinking Snapple and julebrus, and watching Desperate Housewives on DVD, until I got so tired I went to bed again. So it has been a lazy start on the new year. Anders says I was funny last night, and he was very embarassed when I started to talk about birth control with his friends. It doesn’t bother me at all.

Since the last time I posted, I have mostly been in Røros. It was the yearly Rørosaften on Tuesday. The dinner was very nice, but the party at the hotel was mostly spent looking for one of my friends. She walked home without her purse and without her coat, sweater and boots. It was -30 degrees outside. I, and some other people, were looking for her for hours, before we had to call her parents to see if she got home. She had, so everybody was relieved, allthough her parents wasn’t very happy.

The day after, Anders came by train, and mom made pepper soup for us, my brother and his girlfriend. It is an african recipe she got from her neighbour when she was young, and I always try to get her to make it, but it takes many hours, so she rarely bothers.

My mothers guest bed is awful, so I couldn’t sleep the whole night, and Anders had a terrible back ache. We finally fell asleep in the morning, and when we woke up in the afternoon, we decided to gome home one day early, because of the bed, and because we didn’t want to get up at 4 the next morning to catch the train to make his mothers dinner party. We stopped by my father and stepmother, and for my birthday (in three days) I got to pick out an outfit in my stepmother’s shop. So I picked out a top, skirt and coat by Klær Uten Like by Mette Møller.

We couldn’t sleep much that night, so we where kinda beat at the dinner, but it was very nice. We went home, and fell asleep. We got up before midnight, and Anders invited two of his friend over for pizza. So we were awake for most the night, and slept half the day. Then we got up and got ready for the party.

Now we have slept all day again, so we’ll have to fix this soon. Tomorrow it’s 3T again.

I’m now home in Trondheim again, after three nice days in Røros. Wednesday Marit, her father (also Anders), our dogs (Tina and Ulla) and I went to pick cloudberries (or whatever you do with cloudberries). We didn’t find that many, we were a little too early. I tripped in a hole full of water, and it was exactly deep enough to go over my boot. While I was changing socks, two reindeer came running by, and my dog ran after them for about a kilometer. Anders and Marit had to run after her, since I only had one boot on at that time. Marit finally caught her, after she had gotten tangled in her leash. Allthough we were all really annoyed with her, I think my dog had one of the best days of her life.

Thursday Marit , two boys we know and I went to cut down small birchthrees who are popping up all over Røros. They look really ugly when they are everywhere, and noone seems to be doing anything, so thought we should. (My mom was really afraid we were doing something illegal, we have been known to do that sometimes.) When Marit was trying to park her car in the middle of “gata”, two tourists were going annoyingly close to the car, and Marit, whitout realising her window was open, said: “Faens turista, kan itj dæm bærre holde si heme!”, which means something like “Damn tourists, can’t they just stay home!” She was kinda embarrassed after that.

It will be a long while until the next time I go there, and even longer before “other people” will be there at the same time. I’m already looking forward to christmas.

Only eight days until we move now. Tomorrow we’re going to see the apartment completely finished for the first time, assuming everything is ok.

Yesterday Anders and I went out to eat chinese food. It was very good, we have to do that more often. Then we went to se Mr. and mrs. Smith. Anders saw it for the second time, so I guess he thinks it’s good. I’ts not exactly my type of film, but it’s ok entertainment.

Tomorrow I go to Røros for three days. My good friend Marit is home from veterinary school in Hannover, so it will be fun to see her again. It will also be the last time I get to see my dog this summer, and I miss her terribly.